Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
