Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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