But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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