my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
