I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
