Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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