tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
