you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
