you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
