I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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