he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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