I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
