I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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