I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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