When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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