nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize