either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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