Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize