I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize