i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize