I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
