did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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