i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
