How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He passed out mid-signature
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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