when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
