I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
is that a dick in a sweater?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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