He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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