theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
