kristin has been a bad kristin
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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