I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
