Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
