my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
wow bdsm is so cute
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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