The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
