i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
