dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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