apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
