We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
