ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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