Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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