Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
