life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
