Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
