So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
