So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
