everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
