I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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