I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
