i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
