He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
