Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize