He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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