Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
