I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize