She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
