You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
