Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Four minutes until I can fart!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
