You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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