I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
