I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
