non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
