Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
