what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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