i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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