No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
