Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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