I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
