Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize