Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
