He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
