Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
