the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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