She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize