The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
