I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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